When I grow up, I want to be an architect.
I used to hear this sentence echoing loudly in my ears everytime I saw spellbinding classic and modern buildings in big cities. Through my own eyes, I saw architects as ingenious designers who magically made palaces out of bricks and mortar. I don't know where this came from--none of my parents are artists--but art has always been my passion. It kind of startled me right away when I accidentally read the sentence again a few days ago from my own writing back then in 2010. Because somehow here I am now, studying economics by choice. And then all the old memories came up and I realized how so many things have altered over the past few years.
Just like many other children, I had many dreams that only last overnight. One day I couldn't help but imagine about being a famous journalist, and the next day my mind was all set to be a fancy surgeon. Secret agent, violinist, and even actress were among the many careers I once had an interest in. But foremost among all, becoming an architect was the one dream that never actually faded away. The only one that got me start practicing since elementary school. And fortunately, I have the most supportive parents in the world. Seeing how eager I was in sketching, they bought me a special sketch book and a set of sketching pencils. They would take me to bookstores in Jakarta so that I could find different books about sketching techniques. Their unconditional support was one of the things that kept my hope abide.
Figuratively every day (in holidays), I drew my heart out on the sketch book. Six hours spent etching pencil and eraser flew so fast, while I remember an hour spent studying physics in class felt like eternity. Not that I was gifted or really good at it, but it was like the first time I started to understand the definition of passion. When no matter how much time passes, you keep doing it because you know you enjoy it. A dear friend in both comforting and devastating hours. It's like, reading a page-turning book you are so drown into, you don't want to put it down even in meal times. Everyone else might think it was simply a hobby, but no one really knew how much joy I got from drawing, or from, at least, making a work of art. With all of these passion and support thingy, becoming an architect was the sole thing I kept in mind, the answer I said confidently when for a hundred times over people asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I was going to study in Germany, learn from the best, and come back. Supporting my homeland's development through some cutting-edge homes and buildings.
And then..... time passed. And nobody really knew what time was capable of changing. Somehow in a year time, the dream that had been slowly built for years had to turn upside down. In time, I was made to see that becoming an architect wasn't really the best option I could have. I was made to see there might be other things I could do better. For a second, it felt like I had to give up on it. But I learned that the decision I made at that time would resonate through time, and it would shape my life forever. I was aware that being an architect requires someone who is meticulous, creative, innovative, and has some great ideas of their own. Sadly, I knew damn well I wasn't one. The fact that my works pretty much rely on my mood would be very frustrating when it comes to drawing in moody moments. And trust me, it happened quite often. My senior year in high school was all about a self-battle to seek which way was leading better, whether I should stay going on the direction I had been heading or take a sudden turn and find anything I might have missed. I went through lots and lots of discussions and contemplation and prayers, and in the end my gut feeling said maybe I would be better off alleviating poverty someday. And just like that, the next thing I knew, I was studying social science nights and days.
Just like many other children, I had many dreams that only last overnight. One day I couldn't help but imagine about being a famous journalist, and the next day my mind was all set to be a fancy surgeon. Secret agent, violinist, and even actress were among the many careers I once had an interest in. But foremost among all, becoming an architect was the one dream that never actually faded away. The only one that got me start practicing since elementary school. And fortunately, I have the most supportive parents in the world. Seeing how eager I was in sketching, they bought me a special sketch book and a set of sketching pencils. They would take me to bookstores in Jakarta so that I could find different books about sketching techniques. Their unconditional support was one of the things that kept my hope abide.
Figuratively every day (in holidays), I drew my heart out on the sketch book. Six hours spent etching pencil and eraser flew so fast, while I remember an hour spent studying physics in class felt like eternity. Not that I was gifted or really good at it, but it was like the first time I started to understand the definition of passion. When no matter how much time passes, you keep doing it because you know you enjoy it. A dear friend in both comforting and devastating hours. It's like, reading a page-turning book you are so drown into, you don't want to put it down even in meal times. Everyone else might think it was simply a hobby, but no one really knew how much joy I got from drawing, or from, at least, making a work of art. With all of these passion and support thingy, becoming an architect was the sole thing I kept in mind, the answer I said confidently when for a hundred times over people asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up. I was going to study in Germany, learn from the best, and come back. Supporting my homeland's development through some cutting-edge homes and buildings.
And then..... time passed. And nobody really knew what time was capable of changing. Somehow in a year time, the dream that had been slowly built for years had to turn upside down. In time, I was made to see that becoming an architect wasn't really the best option I could have. I was made to see there might be other things I could do better. For a second, it felt like I had to give up on it. But I learned that the decision I made at that time would resonate through time, and it would shape my life forever. I was aware that being an architect requires someone who is meticulous, creative, innovative, and has some great ideas of their own. Sadly, I knew damn well I wasn't one. The fact that my works pretty much rely on my mood would be very frustrating when it comes to drawing in moody moments. And trust me, it happened quite often. My senior year in high school was all about a self-battle to seek which way was leading better, whether I should stay going on the direction I had been heading or take a sudden turn and find anything I might have missed. I went through lots and lots of discussions and contemplation and prayers, and in the end my gut feeling said maybe I would be better off alleviating poverty someday. And just like that, the next thing I knew, I was studying social science nights and days.
After all, it's kind of sad to realize that my heart belonged to a dream that was never meant to come true. The good news is, I'm genuinely happy with where I am now, though I'd never imagined I would enjoy calculating curves this much instead of drawing lines. You see--going to this very college, seeing people--it kind of opened my mind and made me get the picture that there are so many things I have yet to see in life, so many places to travel, and that along the way, I'm gonna meet so, so many different people. This whole time, I was stuck in one place I might as well call it 'comfort zone', not knowing 'what exists out there behind the boundary'. Letting my mind think these are the only people I will ever know, the only place I will ever be. Apparently not. Life is so much more than one single plan that failed to happen. And definitely, not becoming an architect doesn't mean it was the end of the journey. I've always truly believed that God does have a bigger plan for me and that, as cliche as it may sound, everything happens for a reason. I may not be the most thriving architect in the future, but who knows, maybe this way I'll end up being someone happier than I thought I would ever be.
“It’s amazing how you can get so far from where you’d planned, and yet find it was exactly where you needed to be.”
- Sarah Dessen
No comments:
Post a Comment